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International Signs of Spring

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Author	Topic: International Signs of Spring
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 03-27-2001 04:53 PM RUSSIA: Get off the mile-long line for firewood; get in the mile-long line for umbrellas. HOLLAND: Annual Easter Clog Toss VATICAN CITY: The Pope presides over the ceremonial casting out the first sinner. ISRAEL: Throw cute little stuffed animals filled with rocks at the Palestinians. LIECHTENSTEIN: Send annual "we're still a country" notification to the U.N. CHERNOBYL: Night Parade Of the Glow-In-The-Dark chickens TEHRAN: Can now attend "Death to America" rally in shorts. BAGHDAD: Before inspectors begin their hunt, replace anthrax eggs with slightly less nauseating Cadbury eggs. TOKYO: Godzilla turns his fancy from a path of destruction to thoughts of love. ENGLAND: Leichester Larry comes out of his flat and smiles. If any teeth are straight, 6 more weeks of rain. Otherwise, 5.5 more weeks of rain. IRELAND: Swimsuit issue of "Soccer Hooligan Illustrated" hits newsstands. BOSNIA: Annual switch to "Daylight Bombing Time" requires setting your quality of life back another decade.
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 03-28-2001 02:45 AM hehehe...love these, Britt...yours? I've got a couple for you... AUSTRALIA: Kangaroos go bouncing off in search of a mate and bonk anything with pouches (Mailmen on National "Terror - ROO Alert"!) Drop Bears require extra Spring sustenance. (Fortunately this co-incides with Tourist Season - so additional jugular veins are readily available.) [This message has been edited by Lotus666 (edited 03-28-2001).]
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 03-28-2001 12:00 PM No, wish I could take credit...but they're not mine! Any suggestions for the USA?
Rockjock Monkey	posted 03-28-2001 12:02 PM CANADA: Citizens look forward to thawing of muskeg, return of food supply.
Roz_27 Monkey	posted 03-28-2001 12:53 PM Good one. England's should have been: You will know spring has arrived because on the very first day, it will snow [This message has been edited by Roz_27 (edited 03-28-2001).]
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 03-28-2001 01:33 PM Giggle Aye to that one, Roz! It did!!!
Rockjock Monkey	posted 03-28-2001 01:46 PM UNITED STATES: President Bush prepares for summit with the Soviet Union. That one's for you, Britt.
Bluebottle Monkey	posted 03-28-2001 08:27 PM To that Australian one, all I can say is: Thank God it's Autumn!
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 03-29-2001 05:38 AM Yes, but it's spring here. Apparently the English equivalent is... ENGLAND: Squirrels mug tourists for their nuts in Hyde Park (male tourists must be EXTRA wary!) hehehe...
FatJohnny ZooKeeper	posted 03-29-2001 07:30 AM Spring in Ohio doesn't really exist. There's just a week of rain between the snow and incrediblt humid weather.
manic_224 Monkey	posted 03-29-2001 04:27 PM Apparently we're gonna get a heat wave of 90 degrees. I'm still waiting in the rain for it.
FatJohnny ZooKeeper	posted 03-29-2001 05:58 PM Maybe it's just going to be 90 degree rain.
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 03-29-2001 06:12 PM Or, rain falling at a 90 degree level!
chaZ Monkey	posted 03-29-2001 06:22 PM I would have to say that the ducks I saw fucking in my back yard today is a sign. For real!
Nick Zbu ZooKeeper	posted 03-29-2001 08:23 PM Ducks? Try Canadian Honkers...the honking alone is enough to split an eardrum.
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 03-30-2001 04:26 AM You guys ain't heard nothing til you've heard "Drop Bears" mating...the grunting that goes on is HORRENDOUS! Enough to wake the dead!
chaZ Monkey	posted 03-30-2001 10:27 AM I guess the fucking ducks in my backyard were wrong yesterday. It is snowing.
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 03-30-2001 02:30 PM Partly sunny and 65F/18C here today!! Sure feels like spring to me.
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 03-30-2001 02:36 PM Two more signs that it must be spring! The Clintons return to the White House to steal the lawn furniture The swallows return to Capistrano, and the swans are hanging from Bjork's neck
Rockjock Monkey	posted 03-30-2001 09:03 PM A knee-jerk liberal like Britt doing Clinton jokes? Spring apparently induces hysteria.
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 04-02-2001 07:48 PM Heard that one on the radio and thought it was pretty damn funny. What, exactly, is the definition of a "knee jerk liberal" anyway?
manic_224 Monkey	posted 04-03-2001 03:08 PM quote: Originally posted by chaZ: I guess the fucking ducks in my backyard were wrong yesterday. Ducks were fucking in your backyard?
Rockjock Monkey	posted 04-04-2001 12:05 PM It was a joke.
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 04-04-2001 12:47 PM ENGLAND...Signs of Spring - Part 3 The Blue Tits are turning a rosy pink!
manic_224 Monkey	posted 04-04-2001 02:57 PM Rockjock, don't you at me ------------------ your irony makes me spit.
Rockjock Monkey	posted 04-04-2001 05:46 PM I wasn't at you. But now I am! Ha ha!
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 04-06-2001 06:53 PM That's right, manic the was for me...the duck fucking is a cold, hard fact. According to Zach, there has been an abundance of ducky porn in her backyard of late.
chaZ Monkey	posted 04-06-2001 07:04 PM It's true. I swear!
Case B Monkey	posted 04-08-2001 06:44 AM California; Signs of Spring: The smog in the air takes on a beautiful yellow-greenish hue. The politically correct term for "carjacking" becomes "lowest-class citizen utilization of transportation." During the daytime hours, people only lock their doors and windows, rather than locking and* bolting them.* The pigeons drown themselves in a desperate attempt to act like ducks Children are seen swimming in the drainage canals warmed by power plant runoff (Honest to God. Kinda gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling, huh?) The bacteria in the tap water get together and have a nice brouhaha with the kids. Makers of Condoms and E.P.T.s enjoy high gains on the market and finally, (drumroll please)... Arnold Schwarzenegger considers running for governor of the state.

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