quote:
Meanwhile, in a house somewhere in Suburbia, USA....CONFEDERATE JOE: What the samhill is this?? Some kind of retard festival?
BOBBY: It's the Oscar recap, Grampa.
JOE: It's a hornswaggle! When were negroes allowed to act? Or own fancy clothing?
BOBBY: Time has changed since your day, Grampa. Everybody has rights now and now brag about them to the point of infringing on other people's rights. It's called America.
JOE: Bah, America! I remember when America was nothing but a shitfield with a swamp capital. I remember when I was a boy and my father used to beat the slaves, then beat me for watching them, then beating himself for beating me with his Sunday belt! Ah, I gave my left and right leg for this country and what did we get? Nuthin! Nuthin!!
BOBBY: But didn't the CIA give you back both your legs so you could fight crime?
JOE: Shut yer hole with your exposition, boy, and change the channel. Last thing I need to see is more Hollywood halfbreeds winning those fancy schmancy naked golden men awards. I tell you, Hollywood is nothing but a bunch of whiny liberal bastards who were the only thing keeping us from the Great Arab Purge of 2002!!
DAD: Oh, Dad, you crazy old medicated bastard. How are you, I didn't hear you come in, no matter how much I kept jamming things into my ears.
JOE: You couldn't hear this damn son of yours ramming your Plymouth Fury into your garage door to free me from the attempted fucking by your dog?
DAD: Replace 'couldn't' with 'don't care' and you've got it. Wait, I have a Plymouth Fury?
BOBBY: Dad, I invited Grampa over so I could take him to school for showtime today.
DAD: But Bobby, what about our pre-agreed items for which you could take to school?
BOBBY: Dad, I'm not taking miniatures of the 'Facts of Life' cast made out of your chunky bowel movements.
DAD: You bastard! Why did I pay you that $200 then??
BOBBY: It was my birthday. 
DAD: Oh, well, just wear the T-shirt and make me proud.
[i]DAD slips a white T-shirt over BOBBY's considerable bulk which reads "David's Defecation Decor: www.organizedshitforsale.org
DAD: So, you two need a ride?
BOBBY: Yup!
DAD: Okay!
DAD walks out to his car and drives away. With a sigh, BOBBY grabs JOE's wheelchair and starts the long trek to school.
A few minutes later, DAD hits the brakes, sending the car behind him into a spin which flies over a guardrail and into a school, all of which bursts into flames and flying toddlers.
DAD: Wait.....we have a dog??[/i]
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posted 03-25-2002 01:40 PM
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