quote:
SCENE: Two miles underneath the Louvre, in a giant darkened room lit only by one light over a very long and very expensive table. At the end sits a shadow of a figure and on the sides sit the evilest, vilest figures of current living history. But the chair at the opposite end of the table is empty...and there's a knock on the door....Suddenly, a hidden door opens and enters Llama Bin Saden, complete with turban and Limp Bizkit T-shirt. He takes his place at the end of the table and the meeting begins....
BOSS: Llama, you're late.
LLAMA: I apologize. I tell you, you can't be an Arab in today's world without having the Americans and other whites padding you down and accusing you of anything.
BOSS: WTC?
LLAMA: No thank you, I gave up smoking a month ago.
Everyone breaks into laughter, including the Olsen Twins as they take another bite out of the half-eaten severed human head before them.
BOSS: But seriously, enough of this blather. I've called you all here today to discuss the current world affairs and how to use them to our evil advantage. The setting is perfect: whilest the world is focused on the genocide of the Arab race, we have a golden opportunity to strike and accomplish the holiest of goals.
LLAMA: Bang Pamela Anderson?
BOB SAGET: Revive my sagging career?
STEVE GUTTENBURG: I second that!
BOB VILA: Give this place another patio to provide a nice New England Flow--
The Boss reaches over to his control panel and pushes a button. Suddenly Bob Vila explodes into gooey chunks. His chair sinks into the metal floor and raises again with his replacement, Sally Jessy Raphael.
BOSS: Enough of your lies and petty arguments! Do you not see the obvious? Forget humilating America or the Free World! Forget beating the hell out of Charlie Rose or knocking up Diane Sawyer! And ignore the pleasing urge to slowly insert pins into the eyes of that Coca-Cola child! No! This time, we strike at the heart and destroy our rival in evil!
ROSIE O'DONNELL: You mean....NBC??
The whole room gasps. Satan looks up and continues to play cards with Geri Hallowell.
BOSS: Of course!! Those smug bastards have been invading on our plans to brainwash the American...nay, the worldwide public, by dulling their senses with pointless sitcoms which subliminally make them accept homosexuality and useless catch phrases! Even despite six of our best agents' attempts to rid them of their cash. Hell, despite a ninth season!!
LLAMA: Then I shall do so. The rest of you are too engrained within the American conscience to risk your positions until the right moment. I shall fly back to America and take down Rockefeller Center along with defeating our enemy, America!!
ROSIE: Wait, I film there! Can't you wait until I interview--
The Boss pushed another button. A circular sawblade flies down from the ceiling and splits her in two. Her chair sinks into the ground, only to rise with her replacement: Dixie Carter with Estelle Getty on her lap.
BOSS: The time is now. Go, Llama, do your worst!
LLAMA: Okay, but I don't know if my astroturf G-strings are ready for mass production....
Wiping the blood splatters off his shirt, Llama rises and walks back to the door as the Boss starts to chuckle underneath his breath...
BOSS: The fool...he honestly expects me to let a newbie like him do what an experienced agent can do....Maury, send in the real assassin!
Maury Povich grovels over his issue of 'Lolita Weekly' and opens another door behind the Boss. Another shadow of a figure stands there, a woman. Who takes a slim cigarette out of her purse and lights it with the flame between her legs....
TO BE CONTINUED.
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
The WWYK? Discussion Board
posted 10-25-2001 10:48 PM
posted 10-26-2001 06:39 PM
posted 10-27-2001 03:38 AM
posted 10-27-2001 10:02 AM
posted 10-30-2001 02:24 AM