posted 07-26-2001 08:36 PM            

2 Soles and a wet Plaice
Da Daaaaaaaaaa

posted 07-26-2001 08:40 PM         

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"

"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"

posted 07-26-2001 09:30 PM            

First person up was mozart who asks for a black board and chalk a quickly writes a grand symphony. St.Peter decides he is definately mozart and lets him in.

Next was Albert Einstien. When asked to prove who he was he erases the chalk board and writes out the theory of relativity. St.Peter decides he is definately Einstien and lets him in.

Next is George W. Bush and St.Peter says to him "Mozart and Einstien could prove who they are can you?"
Gearge says "whose Mozart and Einstien?" St.Peter let him in too

posted 07-26-2001 09:49 PM            

A cherry float

posted 07-26-2001 10:10 PM         

A man is out fishing with his local priest when the priest lands an enormous fish. The man gets over excited and states:
"look at the size of that fucker"
As the priest begins to give him a disapproving look the man realises what he has said and quickly makes up "ur, that fish is called a 'fukker'". The priest smiles, thinking he is merely a bit ignorant of fish and they continue with the day.
When the priest returns in the evening he takes the fish with him, on the way he passes the deacon's house and decides to show him the fish he's caught. He knocks on the door and when the deacon answers the priest holds the fish up and says "I went fishing today and look how big this fukker I caught is". The deacon is momentarily taken aback until the priest explains that this is what the fish is called. "How marvellous, are you going to eat it?" says the deacon, in an attempt to cover up that he didn't know what the fish was called.
The priest replies that he was intending to, and was thinking about asking the mother superior to cook it for him and maybe they could have a meal. The priest then asks if the deacon would like to come over for the meal, and the deacon agrees.
Next the priest drops by the convent and goes to the mother superior, "excuse me, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind cooking this fukker I caught today, and then this evening we could have a meal with the deacon", the mother superior also starts and the priest again explains that the fish is called a fukker. The nun to hide her embarrasment immediately agrees to prepare the meal.
Later that evening the deacon arrives at the priests house and he has brought the Pope with him. "I hope you don't mind, but I've brought a guest".
"Not at all, the more the merrier" says the priest.

Later in the evening the mother superior brings the cooked fish out for the main course. The deacon, eager to show off, turns to the pope and says "have you ever seen such a big fukker?", the pope doesn't bat an eyelid and replies "no, that's certainly the biggest fukker I've ever seen.", the priest, then also eager to impress says "I caught the fucker" and the mother superior quickly chips in "and I cooked the fukker".
The pope then smacks his lips and says, "well, shall we eat the fukker". And they all tuck in, happily chatting about the fish.

posted 07-26-2001 11:03 PM         

Two hours later the foreman returns, and the pile of sand hasn't moved, the englishman and the irishman are standing there looking sheepish. "Come on", says the foreman, "I give you a nice simple job to start and you haven't even managed that, what's going on?"
The irishman says, "well, we would have got it done, but we need a wheelbarrow!"
"I put the chinese man in charge of supplies, why didn't you ask him to get one?"
"he disappeared shortly after you left, and we haven't seen him since." says the englishman.

"well where the hell has he gone?" says the foreman, his voice raising.

At that moment the chinese man jumps up from behind the pile of sand and shouts:

posted 07-27-2001 12:02 AM            

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

posted 07-27-2001 06:06 AM            

HAR HAR HAR!

posted 07-27-2001 11:21 AM            

While walking to the church he passes a prostitute who says "Blowjob $25", the priest being naive says "What" the pro repeats "BlowJob $25" The priest replies "I dont know what your talking about" and keeps walking.

He passes another Prostitute and has the same exchange as he did with the first, and with the third one he passes as well.

posted 07-31-2001 05:17 AM         

The lion answers, "That little fucker has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on fucking ecstasy!"

hehehe...

posted 07-31-2001 03:20 PM            

Nicky -no
Washie
Lotty