posted 11-08-2000 11:01 PM            

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Hello, prospective writers!
Recently our Ratings and Statistics Department has decided that due to the major ratings boost that WZBU, the world's favorite cable station, has enough interest to finance five new ZBU cable channels! Yes, now you can spend more hours in the day to watch more fine ZBU entertainment!

But, sadly, with all these channels the vast archives of WZBU are already strained. Since we don't want our viewership forced to watch the same things over and over again (we ain't HBO!), we are taking submissions for any kind of programming that fits into any one of our new channels:

--ZBUSpice: Our risque channel that features plenty of nudity and style! Sexuality and porn all live here. Only those above 18 can apply. Future programming so far includes "The Penis Spies" and uncut versions of "The Time Travelling Hot Dog."

--ZBUGore: Tired of plain old edited horror movies? NOT ANYMORE! Now you can start your day off and end it with PURE, UNADULTERATED GORE! Not AL GORE, BUT BLOOD AND GUTS! Future programming includes "KILL THE BLOODY WANKER" and "BRANNIGAN: MAN WITH A BADGE AND AXE!"

--ZBUViolence: What? Doesn't Gore and Violence go hand in hand? NOT IN WZBULAND!! Here we explore machine gun mafia-style deaths as opposed to 'pulling your intestines out and feeding them to your dog Peter Jackson style!' The crueler, the better! Future programming includes: "Peter Jackson Theater," "Horrible Screaming Pain--The Series," and "Dead Alive--The Series."

--ZBUWonder: Tired of all these boring new Sci-Fi Shows? Try the this channel! Nothing but cheesy old black and white (sometimes color) programming! Do you know how much reruns of Lost in Space cost? Not that much! Future programming includes any sci-fi/horror/fantasy show in the past three decades. Yes, including Knight Rider.

--ZBUFamily: Yeah, right. It's just another name for ZBUGore. We just add teddy bears and switch on the blood when the parents aren't looking. Future Programming includes "Teletubbies Beheaded" and "Transformers: Sodomzing Beast Wars."

If submitting, please reply below. Thank you.

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posted 01-01-2001 06:18 PM         

ZBUGore;
Slaughterhouse Playhouse
Who wants to be in a Million pieces?
ER B.C.
Dawson's Creek runs red

ZBUViolence;
Knife throwing with Stevie Wonder
Bayonetball
Masterpiece Theater(with grenades)
Battle of the Boy Bands(with grenades)

ZBUWonder;
Teenage Mutant Ninja Surrealists
Vanna White: The Extraterrastial
Low Gravity Rasslin'
WWYK-The Animated Series

ZBUFamily;
The Dark Side of Mr.Rogers Neighborhood
The Underwater World of Susan Smith
POKEMAN YOUR EYES OUT!
If Blue leaves another Clue on my new carpet I'm gonna kill that fucking dog!

posted 01-01-2001 07:52 PM            

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Somewhere in a Emergency Room...

POUTY DOCTOR: Oh my God! Mr. Carson's anus is reaching critical mass! Nurse, get Dr. Cromagnon in here now!

HISPANIC MOTHER STEREOTYPE: Da Mista Carson, he a good man....WHY, GOD, WHY??

GOD: *crushes Hispanic Mother Stereotype with advil*

POUTY: Dr. Cromagnon, his man is suffering from a torn anus, you must save him!

CROMAGNON: Intestines SWELL! Must save man! *hits man on head, crushing it* Damn.

POUTY: He's flatlining! He's DEAD!!

CROMAGNON: You loud. Shush. *crushes POUTY's head with stick* Oh oh, spaghetti-Os.

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Tonight on WZBU.....I like it, precorpse, you are now in charge of ZBUGore and ZBUViolence.

posted 01-10-2001 02:03 AM         

When Tits meet Jello - A documenty about tits... in jello

The Brady Butcher - When cindy uncovers repressed memories of her parents making her wear green leggings as a child the first thing she thinks of is.. BLOOD

A Seasame Street Orange - When Ernie and Bert kidnap and do nasty things to Miss Moffet it is up to her secret lover The Count to make them repay for their sins.. in BLOOD

Son what the hell are you doing to that chicken? - A coming of age film based on the life of Bill Clinton

The Texas Lawnmower Massicare - Barney Greeber finds he cannt use his chainsaw to kill people as it is electric, instead he opts for an old lawnmower.

So you're a Zucchini? - A comic look at a group of young Zucchinis as they are told where they may turn up. Or GO up.

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Holy buldging spandex batman!

posted 01-10-2001 12:57 PM            

I like it! You have your choice between ownership of ZBUFamily or ZBUSpice.

Oh, hell, take both. Feel free to combine or just exchange shows between the networks, I'm sure nobody will mind.

posted 01-11-2001 01:19 AM         

Heres a few for the spice channel

Sexorcist - Hey even when a chick has her head on backwards and is knee deep in vomit some guy will poke her. Take the hip-e club for example.

Cinderfetish - After a wide night orgy in the castle Prince Strapon discovers a glass slipper wedged up with chute. He vows to marry whatever it is that put it up there.

The family channel

Jonny Incest - The story of a young two headed, 14 toed mutant crimefighter as he struggles to liberate all the sheep in Tasmania.

too tired to think now :/

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Holy buldging spandex batman!

posted 01-11-2001 02:24 AM            

Anyway, the funds are coming from the Republican Party through odd means. If they squeal, so do I: let's see how the American populace reacts to why Bush was REALLY elected.

And we need to find a place for our newest show, called Fear --the story of a mad moderator and his attempts to build a rocketship to nuke Finland.

Fear --it'll drive you mad....WITH LAUGHTER!

posted 01-12-2001 10:09 PM         

QUOTE:

Warren T Rat
" That Lucys alright.. I wouldn't mind giving her a prod with my pork sword!"

Anyway...

Worlds Funniest Deaths - John Savage hosts a wild ride into the funniest and stupidest ways people have managed to get them selves killed. Watch the Italian photographer hell bent on getting within a meter of a lion to get a picture as he is mauled to death. If thats not enough to tickle the funny bne how about the mexican ranger who fired several shots above him to celebrate new years only to have on of the bullets come down through his cousin's head.

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Holy buldging spandex batman!