Nick Zbu
ZooKeeper
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posted 03-03-2000 12:17 PM
   
From Mr. Cranky (no, not ME): quote:
Madonna, whose screen presence would give Ed
Wood tics and who has the personality of a plastic cup, gives birth to Rupert Everett's baby. The small complication here is that Everett's character is gay. This film is tedious like a root canal. And isn't gay life fun? One minute you're banging Madonna and the next minute you're having lovely gay conversations with Neil Patrick Harris. Neil
Patrick Harris? Holy Jesus, I can barely stomach that Doogie is a serious actor, and I'm supposed to swallow him as a gay man (no pun intended)? Why not just stick a propeller up his ass and have him fly around the neighborhood belting out show tunes?
We're talking about two hours of Madonna enunciating her lines as though she were taking a dialect course -- in English! Is this not her native language? This woman cannot act. This is even more embarrassing because she's playing herself. Abbie is a yoga teacher and a vegetarian and whatever else Madonna is, and if I want to watch Madonna do yoga, I'll rent the workout video. And another thing, while I'm going here, the stupidest thing you could possibly do in a movie starring Madonna is to also have songs by Madonna,because every person in the audience hears the song and realizes they're watching a singer, not an actress. If John Schlesinger would like to call me up and convince me that was intentional, I'll switch the rating back to four bombs.
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