posted 02-19-2000 11:13 AM
If you're uninformed (or are above the age of 13), 'Hang Time' is yet another Saturday Morning Soap Opera brought to you by T-NBC (which stands for Terrible, Neurotic, Boring and Crappy which explains the acting and writing of this tripe) in the fine tradition of 'Saved by the Bell' and it's inbred offspring. This show, however, is focused on what public schooling is nowadays: just a bunch of sports and faux sex and really fake people.ENJOY!
Once again, it's time for the BIG GAME which will determine....
1) If the star player can win a game without his Uppers,
2) If the girl player can win the respect of the team of all men, or
3) If the audience's gag reflex can be tested multiple times in a row.
But, thanks to the....
1) Coach,
2) Funky token Black 'Jiggy' character Who Speaks in weird slang, or
3) The child-molesting bum who sells his seed as 'the anal-equal of steroids,
the team finds itself in a situation which can only be solved if.....
1) The star player confronts his wife-beating alcoholic father,
2) the girl player overcomes her cramps to score the winning shot, or
3) Zontar, the Mutant from Uranus is done sodomzing the Coach in time to take over the anuses of the opposing team.
But, unbeknownst to the rest of the team...
1) The Coach has shot himself already to escape the disappointment of his enormous gambling losses and to hide his homosexual monkey obsession.
2) The game is interrupted by the star player's mom, who is revealed to be a 56-year old nudist/burn victim, or
3) Right before the winning shot, a bunch of the A/V Club geeks bust in with shotguns and clean the world of the basketball team.
Then everything is:
1) Fine
2) Horribly wrong, a kind of wrong that will scar people and make things bad for our Christian America.
3) Oddly but satisfying right. 
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posted 02-19-2000 11:13 AM
posted 02-19-2000 10:19 PM
