posted 02-06-2002 11:14 AM         

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.

The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.

The beer scooter works in the following fashion:

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.

It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'

Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all UDI (unidentified drinking injuries).

An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out 'What happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (embarrassing moments in time) add on, that automatically allocates (for removal), in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one's EMIT is not necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a suitable period.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles* cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter-thru chain specialising in half eaten souvlaki and pizza crusts. Another question answered.

For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall and the CTSGS (coffee table seeking guidance system) explains the
ringbarked shins.

(Taken from my friend mutopian, who in turn, got it from a mate on his mailing list!)

I am sure they do one for wine, cider and spirits, too!

posted 02-06-2002 05:59 PM            

*Enters your room clumsily (Resulting in trail of destruction from door to bed), knocks you out, stamps on your head (resulting in headache in morning), shits in your mouth (resulting in shitty taste in mouth in morning), eats part of your brain (memory loss) and finally drags a traffic cone into your bed with you (surely that must be the explanation).