The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise:

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Author	Topic: The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise:
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 04-25-2001 07:01 PM Nightshade SWEARS BLIND that he did not write this (but agrees it matches his philosophy on life almost identically!) No, he doesn't smoke OR go to the gym! Q I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about all known, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean? A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - NoPain. Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had. ------------------ Two's company...three's just plain greedy! [This message has been edited by Lotus666 (edited 04-25-2001).]
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 04-25-2001 07:39 PM Brilliant! Although I disagree with every word.
Magpye Monkey	posted 04-26-2001 04:35 AM Very, very good Lotty And Darque would definatetly agree with the gravy being thicker!!
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 04-26-2001 05:11 AM Mmmm...both our boys are wee carnivorous beasties, that's for sure! Does thicker gravy count as extra roughage? LOL (Britt...Nightshade thinks the four main food groups are pizza, curry, chips and cider!) [This message has been edited by Lotus666 (edited 04-26-2001).]
Magpye Monkey	posted 04-26-2001 05:30 AM Exactly Lotty, but Darques are... Burger King, KFC, Chinese and a bloody big fry up!! (which i hate making!! )
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 04-26-2001 05:44 AM Ooops...sorry...missed a food group...BACON! Thanks for reminding me, Mags!
Magpye Monkey	posted 04-26-2001 09:04 AM Noooooo problem
Lord Destroyer Monkey	posted 04-26-2001 10:36 AM If I remember an old Butterfinger candy bar commercial correctly... Bart Simpson thought the 4 food groups were sandwich group, cow group, jungle group, and Butterfinger group. ------------------ "Wherever me chum Harry Potts is...in Heaven or Hell. I hope he puts in a good word for me when I get there. At least I'll be out of here."
Gypsy Monkey	posted 04-26-2001 12:23 PM No 2 definately sounds like NIGHTSHADES views to me. GOING BY WHAT LOTTY TELLS ME wheeeeeewwwwthink I managed to cover my butt there. ------------------ Gypsy...I'm now the Love e'm and Leave e'm kind, it's the only way to go !!!
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 04-26-2001 04:44 PM hehehe...you got it, Gypsy dear...I thought he had been all creative like and written this himself!
Magpye Monkey	posted 04-26-2001 07:54 PM Yep!!
Lord Destroyer Monkey	posted 04-27-2001 10:45 AM This whole thing sounds a lot like my mindset concerning food, exercise and health. Just for the record...NO, I did not write it!
Lotus666 ZooKeeper	posted 04-27-2001 04:19 PM Bloody meat-eaters!
Magpye Monkey	posted 04-28-2001 06:49 PM Yes Lotty, but we all know you like a nice bit of pork as often as poss!!!
Lord Destroyer Monkey	posted 04-29-2001 12:58 AM For some reason, I feel like a song. Pops a Da Yoopers CD into my CD player and sings along to the song "Meathead" MEATHEAD by DA YOOPERS The first thing you did on the day we met You took away my cigarettes Once you got my nicotine You nagged until I quit caffeine But you weren't satisfied with that You told me I was getting fat You took my beer, you took my sweets, Now you're trying to take my meat I'm a meathead, yes I am I love that beef and pork and ham I love it fried, smoked or stewed Baked or broiled or barbecued Bacon strips, sirloin tips Down my chin that sauce will drip I love to hear those burgers fry I'll be a meathead till I die You told me I was flipping out You made me eat alfalfa sprouts But rabbit food was such a bore I'd rather be a carnivore I need food that I can chew It's in my blood to barbecue You can have your brussels sprouts, I'll die with a pork chop in my mouth I'm a meathead, yes I am I love that beef and pork and ham I love it fried, smoked or stewed, Baked or broiled or barbecued Ribs and chops, I can't stop, I'll eat 'em till my eyeballs pop I love to hear those burgers fry I'll be a meathead till I die I'll be a meathead till I die If I was sitting on Death Row And I had one more meal to go I wouldn't ask for a dry rice cake Soybean soup or barley flakes I'd ask from the warden for one last ride To a burger joint that we call Clyde's, I'd order a dozen burgers to go, I'd take my time and eat 'em slow I'm a meathead, yes I am I love that beef and pork and ham I love it fried, smoked or stewed, Baked or broiled or barbecued Weenies roasting on a stick, Juicy steaks, nice and thick I love to hear those burgers fry I'll be a meathead till I die I'll be a meathead...till...I...die Oh yeah! Gimme a pork chop!
spam pilot Monkey	posted 04-29-2001 10:27 AM Have you noticed the irritating fact that girls are alway s suddenly on a diet once they go to a restaurant or something? It usually goes like that - the guys start ordering something juicy and then comes the turn of your best friend, and just like that, the bitch says " i'm on a diet " and orders the salad! Now what? are you gonna be the fat chick ? No way! so you also order the salad ( or even worse -you share hers, 'cos you're soooooo * full* ) And you eat it and the effort of making everyone around belive you're really enjoying yourself is driving you out of your mind, and at the end of the evening, when you get home you settle in the kitchen and don't stop eating. Sometimes i understand guys when they say they don't understand women. [This message has been edited by spam pilot (edited 04-29-2001).]
Lord Destroyer Monkey	posted 04-29-2001 10:57 AM Tell me about it. I mean, what's with this walking skeleton look? The fashion and the modelling industries are sooooooo out of touch with the general public. And what is it with women and weight? They gain a couple of pounds and they act like they weigh at least 10 tons. [This message has been edited by Lord Destroyer (edited 04-29-2001).]
Magpye Monkey	posted 04-30-2001 10:46 AM The problem now a days is social exceptance which is pants if you ask me!! I on the other hand, don't care. If someone wanted to take me out and spend money, whether it be a meal or whatever, believe me i would take full advantage.
Lord Destroyer Monkey	posted 04-30-2001 02:01 PM Yes, social acceptance would be the main factor. If only people would realize it's not what's outside that matters, but what's inside that does.
Britt ZooKeeper	posted 04-30-2001 07:59 PM Thank you, Spammie!! I thought I was the only one dealing with that kind of bullshit.
For Whom the Bell Tolls Monkey	posted 04-30-2001 10:27 PM LD's song was a treat... I'll take the salad though People were discussing the same thing in the Land There's nothing quite as annoying as hearing a perfectly fine woman complaining about her supposed weigh problem. "No, your not fat, you're beautiful: now print this on a sheet of paper and read it when you start getting "ideas" For cryin out loud ... [This message has been edited by For Whom the Bell Tolls (edited 04-30-2001).]

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