posted 02-15-2000 07:16 AM            

Under my bed is my disabled Chuck Taylors. Duct taped, painted, etc.

posted 02-15-2000 03:28 PM         

Oh, I've also been told that it looks like an enormous phallus... but...ummmmmmm...forget I ever said that.

posted 02-16-2000 06:13 AM         

Hi there! Good to see you about the boards again. Have not BUMPED into you in ages! How have you been?

So, you have a little red button under your bed then? LOL Strange...I seem to have a swirling interdimensional vortex under my bed that sucks in unwary souls...hehehe...

All I hear at night is the sound of renegade dust bunnies squealing as they are being sucked in...*giggle*...that, and the sound of slugs, shoes, disabled duct-taped Chuck Taylors, and Beatles posters clinging to the underneath of my mattress (no wonder I don't get any sleep at night!!!)

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Lotus666...Beware of Cupid's Love-Tipped Dart...He aims it for your wary heart...So play it safe, my lonely chum...Turn around and SHOW HIM YOUR BUM!!!

posted 02-17-2000 03:38 AM            

life is short and brutish so why worry about what's under your bed?
Didn't god create the bed and put on earth so it could hide all those nusty dusty smelly things we don't REALLY want to know about? in the entire history of western civilization there are no documented cases of anything GOOD coming out from under the bed. moving the bed and cleaning there ( as some of you thought you should do ) is interfering in god's creation !

the real question, in my humble opinion, should be what would you WANT to have under your bed?
personally, i would like a suitcase with One million dollars, or purhaps a hot italian lover, ready at my command...
i'm not sure yet.
so guys, what's your ultimate under the bed fantasy?

posted 02-17-2000 03:59 AM         

I'd say that it would be nice to press a button and have the bed slide out to the way to reveal a hot tub in full froth with rosepetals undulating on the surface, a wet bar that rises from the floor as needed, and a string quartet (blindfolded of course).

Either that or a nice Italian hoagie ready at my command, with a little mayo and some nice crisp lettuce.

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Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up, bed goes down.-Homer Simpson

posted 02-17-2000 07:15 AM            

Slides over towards Quendara

So, Quendara , what exactly could be done in a hot tub, with a wet bar, blindfolds and an italian hoagie?

posted 02-17-2000 05:47 PM         

Consider it a challenge

posted 02-18-2000 06:34 AM            

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAA!

posted 02-18-2000 07:20 AM         

Suddenly, there's a pounding on the door.

"What's that?!" FJ asks, startled.
"That must be my big, jealous boyfriend!" exclaims Quen in the accent of a Southern Belle, which is odd since she was born in Philadelphia.

The door bursts open, and in strides a bear of a man, nostrils flaring, face flushed

"Quendara!" he yells. "What is this?! Who is he?!"
"No, Bumpy Zeke, leave us be," pleads Quen, "we're in love!"

Bumpy Zeke's eyes widen and blaze as only those who are desperately inbred can manage. He pushes his unbuttoned, tattered plaid shirt behind him revealing the butt of a large shotgun sticking out of the waistband of his acid-washed jeans. He grabs the gun with one gnarled, warty hand and pulls it out of his pants. He slowly levels it at FJ

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." yells Quen as she throws herself in front of her guest, as any good hostess would.

posted 02-18-2000 07:25 AM            

Fat is overwhelmed over what has happened. Yet again he has raised the ire of a jealous boyfriend, this time with deadly results. But wait! An Idea hits him! Using his portable time machine, he goes back in time and cuts the brakes in Zeke's truck. He then returns to this post at the opporune moment, and slides closer to the red-haired vixen...

So, where were we?

posted 02-18-2000 08:04 AM         

"You CAN'T do that with a ping-pong ball... can you?" she asks in disbelief. FJ just nods, his smile spreading.

At that moment a ringing is heard. FJ realizes with a sense of wonder that it's coming from Quendara's cleavage. Without hesitation she reaches betwixt her bosom and pulls out a cellular phone. After saying hello, she listens in silence for several moments.

"What?! No! How'd that happen?" Quen asks in horror. Large tears begin to well in her blue eyes, eventually tracing wet trails down her rosy cheeks. She presses the "end" button on the phone and lets it slip between her fingers to the floor.

"FatJohnny," she says, "something happened to my boyfriend's truck! His brakes failed... he's... dead!" With a shuddering sob she collapses in tears.

"But Quendara," FatJohnny says, "it's me you love!"

"But you don't understand," Quen gasps, "Bumpy...he...he..." she stutters, overcome with emotion.

With her last strength she pulls herself to the window. Hurling herself out, she ends up impaled on the legs of an upturned lawn flamingo below.

posted 02-18-2000 08:13 AM            

Okay, let's see...

Fat learning from his previous mistakes, breaks out the portable time travel device, and goes back in time. Running into Bumby Zeke on the street, Fat offers to buy him some drinks. Zeke is very inebreiated, and starts to drive off. Fat alerts the cops, and they pull him over.

"Looks like this one will have to spend the night in the drunk tank," the cop sez. They book him and Zeke is soon soundly asleep in the drunk tank.

Fat then returns to "that magic moment".

So, where were we? Seems we have the night to ourselves...

posted 02-18-2000 08:19 AM         

I'll have to think about this one, and since it's almost 8:30 am and I haven't gone to bed yet, I should probably sleep on it.

posted 02-18-2000 10:06 AM         

BRAVO, guys...brilliant patter...keep up the story! *Eats popcorn and drinks ginger beer...enthralled by the saga!*

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Lotus666...Beware of Cupid's Love-Tipped Dart...He aims it for your wary heart...So play it safe, my lonely chum...Turn around and SHOW HIM YOUR BUM!!!

posted 02-18-2000 04:13 PM         

"My cad of a boyfriend has been arrested again, for drunkeness, of all things!" Quendara says "He doesn't even drink. He's usually arrested for little things like peeing on members of government."

"About those ping-pong balls," FatJohnny says with a glint in his eye. He unzips his fly, releasing a veritable torrent of ping pong balls that begin to bounce willy-nilly all around the room. Several roll into the hot tub and frolic on the surface. A number of others bump into the blindfolded string quartet. The cello player thinks that the violinist is trying to play footsies with him again and kicks him in the shin. The violinist, ignorant as to why he was just booted, curses in time with the music. A lone ping-pong ball bounces out of the window, striking a small finch in the birdbath below. FJ closes his fly with a satisfied zipping sound.

"Careful, don't slip on that which falls from my trousers," FJ cautions.

Quendara looks FJ in the eye. "But do you really love me?" she asks.

"I'd blow up a gazeebo for you, baby" he confirms.

Quendara looks in awe at the dozens of spheres littering her just-vacuumed floor. "My word," she says, "what else do you keep in there?"

FJ slides closer to Quendara once more, gently touching the small of her back with his fingertips. He whispers in her ear again as a stunned look washes over Quendara's face.

posted 02-18-2000 06:44 PM         

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Lotus666...Beware of Cupid's Love-Tipped Dart...He aims it for your wary heart...So play it safe, my lonely chum...Turn around and SHOW HIM YOUR BUM!!!

posted 02-19-2000 06:07 AM            

Fat nibbles slightly on the swooning Quendara's ear, and then proceeds to gently kiss he down her jawline, with a few passionate kisses to her neck.

"Show me," she breathlessly states. As Fat steps back to 'unleash the beast' (heh, heh, heh), he accidently steps on a ping-pong ball, and falls backwards in to the string quartet! Mass confusion ensues, and somehow in all of it, Fat finds his shoulder impaled by the cello players bow!

"I'm allright, Quendara, my love. It...it's just a flesh wound!"

But as he utters these words, the bass violin player turns around, hitting Fat with the instrument, knocking him out the window, where, upon landing, he finds himself impaled on a garden gnome.

With his dying breath, he utters one word.

"Rosebud...."

posted 02-19-2000 07:59 AM         

It is not what is under the bed, but rather...what is ON the bed that keeps me awake. LOL

All those raging demon incubuses and their infernal all-night partying...hahaha...

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Lotus666...Beware of Cupid's Love-Tipped Dart...He aims it for your wary heart...So play it safe, my lonely chum...Turn around and SHOW HIM YOUR BUM!!!

posted 02-19-2000 02:59 PM         

Gee...and I just had my pitchfork-wielding father standing at the door, ready to defend his daughter's honor.

If that didn't work my twin sister Quendora was going to show up... I don't think you want to know what would have happened then, or maybe you do...

posted 02-19-2000 04:26 PM         

"OK, I'm ready!" Quendora exclaims. "Can you believe it took me that long to lace up my.... Dara! What happened here?!"

"A little accident, Dora," sighs Quendara.

"Ping-pong balls? Dara, haven't I always told you that ping-pong balls are the tool of the devil?!" says Quendora as she picks up a ball and hurls it at her sister. "So, is he dead?" Quendara nods. "Dammit Dara, can't you ever keep one of them alive for more than twenty minutes? And why don't you ever close that window so that they'll stop falling out? And why do you keep so much pointy crap under the window? If that stuff wasn't there they'd probably only bounce harmlessly. I swear, if you'd just wait until I got here there'd be a lot more fun and a lot less dying going on around here. The backyard is already full, where am I supposed to bury this one?"