posted 08-12-2001 01:24 AM            

1) You're crossing the street when a car nearly hits you. You:

a) Yell at the car.
b) Take a deep breath and relax, being thankful you're still alive.
c) Run after the car, throwing rocks, beer cans, and toddlers after car until it stops or speeds away.

2) Your boss cancels your unrefundable trip to the South of France so he/she can spend your vacation with his/her gay lover. You:

a) Tell your boss to fuck off and go anyway.
b) Take a deep breath and accept life.
c) Follow your boss to his encounter and tape the whole thing (with live feed to fatass.net) then blackmail the asshole until he/she goes broke, then mail the evidence to his/her spouse.

3) You are about to be mugged. You:

a) Do the right thing; money is replaceable.
b) Take a deep breath and accept life, hoping that you don't bleed too much so you can walk home.
c) Kick the knife out of the guy's hand and beat his head against the concrete sidewalk like a bloody cantaloupe, then tie his feet to the back of a taxi cab and pay the guy to drive as fast as fucking possible.

4) You're at a convenience store and some lady in a business suit cuts in front of you and farts. You:

a) Tell the lady off.
b) Accept life and ask if anybody behind you wants to cut.
c) Break the bitch's knee with a swift kick and gag her with her Cinnamon Mentos.

5) You're cut off in traffic by a bunch of 17-year-olds in a SUV. You:

a) Honk your horn.
b) Accept fate and allow little Jordan and Brittany to act like their parents.
c) Wait until the stoplight to rear end their unbalanced vehicle into traffic and watch in glee as they die in a mass of flames and twisted metal.

6) You're passing a schoolyard full of children. You:

a) Keep walking.
b) Wave hi.
c) Take out a missile launcher and teach the kids a valuable but painful lesson on how unfair life is by destroying their childhood in a blatant display of violence and pointlessness.

7) A nun asks you for change for charity. You:

a) Give a quarter to assage your guilt.
b) Decline kindly.
c) Beat the nun with her metal change pot.

8) A person looks at you funny while you shop for condoms. You:

a) Ignore him
b) Explain that you believe in safe sex.
c) Accuse the peeker of being a closet 'queer' and beat him down in the store and steal his wallet. Then, in the still of the night, you break into his house and beat him down with a pillowcase full of doorknobs and give him 'a taste of his own deviant behavior.' Against your will, of course.

Total your points: All A answers are 2 points, all Bs are 1 point, and all Cs are 3 points.

0-8 points: You're a jellyfish and a bastard to boot. I could burn down your house and you wouldn't care. Get lost, you bumlicker.

9-16 points: You respond acceptably to certain anger-inducing events. The best bet for you is to keep living life.

17 and up points: There is nothing wrong with you. Why are you staring at me like that? I'm not humoring you! No, you're fine...yup...fine....yup yup yup....

posted 08-13-2001 02:47 AM         

Something about rules, I just seem to ignore them the first time I see them, but at least I erased them now, so all is better