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Author
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Topic: Ask Mosrite
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mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-29-2001 04:21 PM
   
Yes, Kids this thread is Mosrites answer to any newspapers "Write in and ask anything" section. Ask me a question and I will do my best to answer it. |
Case B
Monkey
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posted 10-29-2001 07:03 PM
Little Suzy writes: quote:
Dear Mosrite,
My friends all say that you kissed Sheila Krakowski behind the bleachers last Saturday at the little league game. They also say that you used your TONGUE! My friends also say you are in love with Sheila and you want to marry her and have children and smooch her *SMOOCH SMOOCH* every day and that she doesn't like you because you still have cooties. I wanted to ask, is it true? Do you still have cooties?
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Lotus666
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-29-2001 07:14 PM
Dear mosrite...is it true that you are actually a "closet" DOLLY PARTON fan? And that you have a blow-up DOLLY in your cupboard? (Or is that a blow-up "Dolly the Sheep"???)  ------------------
TD(F)O'MW [This message has been edited by Lotus666 (edited 10-29-2001).] |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-29-2001 09:56 PM
Dear Little Suzy,
Sheila Krakowski is a known lier. Shes makes up these stories about her self to make her seem more popular. You just feed her insecurities by spreading rumors for her. you should feel ashamed. and although it is a know fact that all girls do have cooties and they can be caught by kissing... I assure you I do not have them... Although Sheila does by default. she is a girl. she can't help it.Dear Lotus666,
It is not true that I am closet Dolly Parton Fan and I do not have a blow up dolly in my cupboard. Dolly parton is a known enemy of the indie rock crowd. By making her breasts mamouth sized she effectivly alienated everyone who was not a middle aged redneck/cowboy/white trash man. I am none of these things. The blow up doll in my cupboard is alicia silverstone. |
Lotus666
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-29-2001 10:01 PM
OK then. I'll believe you. (Many wouldn't!) Thanks for your honesty.
*Chants...mossy has a blow up Ally!*  |
Withnail
Monkey
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posted 10-29-2001 10:32 PM
dear mosrite,
where is the extremely funny post I put in this thread a couple of hours ago? |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-29-2001 11:46 PM
Dear Withnail,
I'm quiet sure the post was not deleted by anyone at wwyk? The flaw must be on your end. Please feel free to sent the post again. I appreciate the effort you have put forth. |
Withnail
Monkey
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posted 10-30-2001 12:05 AM
dear mosrite,
what was in my funny post, i cannot remember. |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-30-2001 01:26 AM
Dear Withnail,
While it is true that I am qualified to answer a variety of question many of which actually do deal with the workings of the brain I am not a qualified mind reader. If you think of your funny post at a later date please feel free to share it with the rest of us. |
Lotus666
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-30-2001 01:54 AM
Dear mosrite...is it true that you are frequently sarcastic to readers of this column? |
FatJohnny
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-30-2001 05:59 AM
Dear mosrite,
What's with the hair?-FatJohnny |
catapault007
Monkey
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posted 10-30-2001 08:44 AM
Dear mosriteI've been a fan of your column for years and never have had a deep thought provoking, mind probing question to ask you until know. WhatI need to know is Ginger or Mary Ann? Your fan
Jonas Grumby
South Pacific |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-30-2001 11:51 AM
Dear Lotus 666,
Thank you for your frequent questions. I appreciate it. My responses a pure answers to pure questions. After all, I am the ultimate argument settler.Dear FatJohnny,
Since physical appearance carries no weight with me I do not waste my time on trivial things like hair cuts. Style itself is a trend and it is only meant to be grown out of. Styling your hair at all makes you a trend. I am not a trend I am a real person, as you should be too. Dear Jonas,
People have pondered this question for years and I know what you are getting at. You are trying to figure out if I like the simple country girls or the big city high class girls... well the answer is actually neither. The are too stereotypical. Too cut and dry.
Everyone knows gilligan carried the show. He is funny, sweet, charming, and a bit clumsey. If gilligan were a girl he would be my answer. |
FatJohnny
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-31-2001 06:08 AM
Dear mosrite,
No, seriously. Is it, like, infected, or something?-FatJohnny |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 10-31-2001 05:23 PM
Dear Fat Johnny,
Since the only picture you can see of me is printed next to my column each day its doubtful that you are actually talking about an ingrown hair I may have. I think this is a childish act to make me seem disfigured to your friends. If you wish to make yourself "cool" please do it elsewhere. This is a serious column for people with serious problems. |
Fiona Flambe
Chimp with diapers
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posted 10-31-2001 07:44 PM
Dear Mosrite, I seem to be having chafing problems. Every time I walk my thighs self-ignite (it's hell on my stockings!) Can you please help? Also, on a related note...how can I win more self-respect for us fictitious and cast-aside characters that Zbu generated? Thanks. Yours flamingly... Fiona. ------------------
Killer sighs & flaming thighs... |
Withnail
Monkey
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posted 10-31-2001 08:05 PM
Dear mosrite,
What is the meaning of life? |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-01-2001 12:12 AM
Dear Fiona Flambe,
I'm quiet sure if you are a cast aside character that zbu created your flaming theighs are actually some sort of weapon used to maul people in some sci-fi type fashion. Do not be alarmed. It has nothing to do with your weight.
You do not win self respect. self respect is something that comes from in you and is about you. If you are looking to others to help you respect you, you are looking in the wrong place. Dear Withnail,
The meaning of life is to live. Any other meaning expressed or implied at any time throughout your life by anyone you encounter is purely coincidental and is not to be taken seriously.
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Puppet Boy
Monkey
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posted 11-01-2001 04:07 AM
Is it true that 1 secpar = the equivalent of 3.262 light years? |
Case B
Monkey
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posted 11-01-2001 05:11 AM
Someone didn't say "Simon says"... |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-01-2001 11:13 AM
Dear Puppet Boy,
Please do not ask me questions you could find the answer to by typing the question in at google.com or askjeeves.com. Your lesson for today is "Learn to use your own resorces for your advantage"Dear Case B,
Random statements accusing others of bad form is bad form in itself. Please Refrain.
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Fiona Flambe
Chimp with diapers
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posted 11-02-2001 04:16 AM
Dear Mosrite, thanks for that insightful reply. DO you advise then I stop being so moody and stop flaming everything around these boards? (And are you free tonight - I'm having a sausage sizzle!)
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FatJohnny
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-02-2001 05:56 AM
Dear mosrite,
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie-Roll Tootsie Pop?-FatJohnny |
Tostito
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-02-2001 07:03 AM
Dear mosrite,
Why did I first read the word Tootsie as Tostito? Is this a fruedian slip about which I should be wary, and is it as funny as I think it is right now? |
Hello Newman 2001
Monkey
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posted 11-03-2001 09:05 AM
Dear Mosrite,Will David Letterman ever stop telling Monica Lewinsky jokes? |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-06-2001 03:37 PM
Dear Fiona,
Yes, You should most deinitly stop flaming everything around these boards. Frankly flaming anything just builds up a reputation for your self that, judguing by your letters, you don't want anyway. I'm sorry I must turn down your invitation for a sausage sizzle. It would not be professional of me.Dear FatJohnny,
The question itself is an advertising ploy. Obviously the tootsi roll pop was neaver meant to be licked. It was meant to be sucked on for a while then chewed. Hence the chewey center. Ice cream cones are meant to be licked becasue you actually get something when you lick them. If you lick a tootsie roll pop you will just cut your toung. Dear Tostito,
You read tootsie as tostito because they look similiar especially when you are just skimming over posts (as I often do) However it may have a deeper meaning. Perhaps you feel the need to have every post be about you? Do you feel the need to turn conversations tword yourself? Do you ask how things affect you first and others second? It may be worth exploring. Dear Newman,
I am not a fortune teller. I can not see into the future. Although I would be that once Monica starts conducting herself with dignity and starts being respectable... the respect for her will follow. Although everyone is subject to late nite talkshow jokes. He will stop when people stop laughing. As with everything else TV its about ratings. |
manic_224
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-07-2001 01:53 PM
Dear Mosrite,
Will you ever not be able to answer a question?Regards,
Manic_224 |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-08-2001 02:17 AM
Dear Manic_224
It is my job to answer questions. I will answer any question asked. If anyone can ask me a question that I can not provide an answer to they can take over my position. |
Case B
Monkey
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posted 11-08-2001 08:27 PM
Dear Mosrite,Where is my mind? - Case_B |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-08-2001 10:10 PM
Dear Case B,
I'm assuming you're speaking figurativly of the marbles you have lost. If so they are in never never land. If you are speaking litterally its in your head behind your eyes. I know it can be hard to find if you don't use it that often. But its there I promise. |
Case B
Monkey
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posted 11-09-2001 02:41 AM
Dear Mosrite,Although I normally trust your sage advice with my very life, I decided to try a web-search to answer my queries. According to the lyrics from The Pixies song of the same name, it is "way out, in the water...See it swimmin'?" Now, I also trust the sage advice of The Pixies to a huge extent, seeing as they answered my last question, If man is 5, then the devil is? and how about God? (If man is 5, than the devil is 6, than the devil is 6. If the devil is 6 than God is 7, than God is 7. This monkey's gone to heaven.) So, I am faced with a dilemma of conflicting viewpoints from two wise elements. My question now comes to be, who, in this case, has the right answer? (Apologies for being random. Go Pixies. Woo, hoo.) [This message has been edited by Case B (edited 11-09-2001).] |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-09-2001 06:14 PM
Dear Case B
Being a big pixies fan myself I can understand your dillema. However, one must remember when asking anyones advice that the advice will be formed with knowing just a little bit about your problem and only being able to draw on experiences in their life not yours. If I could actually see into your thoguhts I could probably decifer which way to state the answer to best suit your needs.
Simply put. There are many answers to each question. The answer you want to use is up to you. The best way to deal with conflicting answers to the same question is to campare the two answers and see what you come up with.
For example. You asked: Where is my mind? I said never never land. Frank Black said "way out, in the water...See it swimmin'?" Everyone knows never never land is a small island. The obvious answer would be that your mind is in a bay or cove of never never land swimming in the water.
On a side note. Considering your question "If man is 5, then the devil is? and how about God?" I would have to agree totally with Mr Black. Had I been asked that question I wold have given the same answer.
Thank you for your many letters.
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Fiona Flambe
Chimp with diapers
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posted 11-10-2001 08:12 PM
Dear Mr Mosrite,I have tried to contain my flaming tendencies, and Puppet Boy was starting to show a distinct interest. But the bastard has now gone cold on me. How do I regain his interest (short of lighting a fire under his wooden butt and chopping him up for fire fodder!)? Flamingly yours... |
mosrite
ZooKeeper
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posted 11-11-2001 12:48 AM
Dear Fiona,
What you should do to regain his interest depends on why he's gone cold. Is he playing hard to get? Does he think you're playing hard to get? Maybe he thinks your not interested? What kind of signs were you showing? Honestly I will need more information to give you an accuracte answer. However... to quote some frat girls that were sitting behind me at a resteraunt once: "What do you do when your guy starts to stray?" "Give him a BJ" "No, Does that work" "Yes, Thats all you need to do to control any man" I'm not saying this is a good idea. But if you are into superficial relationships and don't mind a guy sticking around for an extra month on the hopes of getting another BJ this might be the route for you. |
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