posted 03-11-2001 05:40 PM            

Jack Tripper, a porn star?

Sure it sounds nuts, but apparently an eagle-eyed viewer watching an old rerun of Three's Company spotted something that no one's noticed in the thousand or so times the classic '70s sitcom's been shown on the boob tube-- John Ritter's little john.

Whether Ritter was having too much fun in the company of costars Suzanne Somers and Joyce DeWitt, we'll leave up to the next True Hollywood Story to discern; nonetheless, during a scene in a recent rerun on Nick at Nite, the actor unwittingly (we hope) pulled a full monty.

"[His character] Jack was dressed in blue boxers and plopped down on the bed [and] exposed some things that probably shouldn't be seen on television," the unidentified viewer tells MSNBC.

The viewer then says he notified the cable network. "They were shocked and said, 'Gosh, you were right.' They were taken off-guard because this has probably aired hundreds of times since the '80s."

"Yes, his scrotum falls out of his shorts," confirms a spokesman for Nickelodeon. The rep adds that it's a wonder no one saw the blooper in the first place.

Nick says it will neuter the rogue Jack in future broadcasts, but the careful snips should not affect the continuity of the episode. (Sorry fans, Nickelodeon refuses to identify the specific episode showing off the Ritter family jewels.)

Ritter, who played the charming but bumbling would-be chef for seven years on the ABC sitcom, tells the New York Observer he's not upset by his fleshcapade.

"I've requested that [Nickelodeon] air both versions, edited and unedited, because sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't."

posted 03-12-2001 03:47 AM         

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat.

After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, "Everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"

posted 03-12-2001 02:45 PM         

Got a good eyeful, Jack let his goolies flop out,
Like nuts in a trifle, there they were bobbing about.

I saw your nuts, Tripper, like a one-way mirror yea,
Didn't take me too long to see butt. LOOK - A NUT!

You silly geezer, a scrotum's not that hard to hide,
NIck at Nite had a seizure, they're gonna snip your best side, now.

I saw your nuts, Tripper, like a one-way mirror yea,
Didn't take me too long to see butt. LOOK - A NUT!

Gaping blue boxers, his flashing was really unplanned,
What a thrill Bobby-Soxers, seeing ole Jack Tripper's gland.

I saw your nuts, Tripper, a nut sundae trifle yea,
Didn't take me too long to see butt. LOOK - A NUT!

Hey Tripper,
Nut Stripper, yea...

Hey Tripper,
Nut Stripper, yea... (FADE INTO OBLIVION!)

(Beat you to it, RJ!)
Hope you like the piracy, Britt!

posted 03-13-2001 01:11 PM            

Now it's MY turn! This requires a special them of cruelty!

The Tripper
(sung to the tune of "The Ripper" by Judas Priest)

You're in for a sight
When Tripper sits down
His shorts are too tight
You can see him hang down
He's sittin' spread-eagle
You do a double-take....
For God's sake!

Hit the rewind button
Get a much better view
I call up the network
Tell 'em I'm gonna spew

All heed my warning
Don't look directly
At...Jack Tripper!!!

He'll soon look askance
Please get him some pants!
There's something about him
He's showing his scrotum
Just call him "Jack Tripper"
Or, if you like, "Jack the Nut"

(Solo by Mr. Roper)

I come barging in
And get a glimpse of his pills
Laying on the bed there
It still gives me the chills
Larry is there too
He doesn't know what to do
Why is Jack acting this weird?
I think that they are both queer

All heed the warning
Don't look directly at
The Tripper...the Tripper...the Tripper...